Today Is Talk Like A Pirate Day.

And that means its time for get in touch with your inner pirate. And who doesn't want to get in touch with their inner pirate?

Once you've gotten in touch with your inner pirate, the job is not over. Remember to consult the Affirmations for your Inner Pirate:

Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmations for the Inner Pirate

Monday:
"I'm going to rape and pillage today just for the heck of it because, gosh darn it, I deserve to have a good time."

Tuesday:
"I am not a fraud, a thief yes, but not a fraud."

Wednesday:
"I deserve all the loot and booty I can carry without feeling ashamed or being grandiose."

Thursday:
"I will express my feelings today. I will not hide them behind my eyepatch. My eyepatch is not a mask for my feelings, but rather a small swatch of leather that covers a hideous scar."

Friday:
"When I overtake that merchants vessel, I will not be playing those parent tapes in my head: "You wield a cutlass like a girl" . . . "Why can't you be more like Blackbeard's son?" . . . "Philosophy? What kind of major is that? It's useless!"

Saturday:
"Just because I indulge in wine and wenches does not mean I'm an alcoholic sex-addict like my father."

Sunday:
"If I must violently put down a mutiny today, it is not because I am a bad person or that I am not worthy of love; it is because my crew are a bunch of yellow-bellied, lily-livered sons-of-whores--and I am mean enough, ruthless enough, and dog gone it, people fear me."

transcribed by James R. Torrence

Arrrrrr...