For those of you who spent the last five years in some godforsaken hellhole working to fulfill your part of the Five Year Plan the self-proclaimed comedian Al Franken is running against Norm Coleman for a seat in the United States Senate on behalf of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party of Minnesota. (Yes, it is as bad as it sounds.) So in order to provide Comrade Franken with an actual example of comedy I present:
Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmations for the Inner Communist
Monday:
"I'm going to execute and expropriate today just for the heck of it because, gosh darn it, I deserve to have a good time."
Tuesday:
"I am not a fraud, a Marxist yes, but not a fraud."
Wednesday:
"I deserve all the mass adulation from the people I can get without feeling ashamed or being grandiose."
Thursday:
"I will express my feelings today. I will not hide them behind my mustache. My mustache is not a mask for my feelings, but rather a small patch of facial hair that covers my inadequacies."
Friday:
"When I rob a bank for the cause, I will not be playing those parent tapes in my head: "You wield a revolver like a girl" . . . "Why can't you be more like Stalin?" . . . "Philosophy? What kind of major is that? It's useless!"
Saturday:
"Just because I execute Christians and counter-revolutionaries does not mean I'm an mass-murdering psychopath like my father."
Sunday:
"If I must violently put down a counter-revolution today, it is not because I am a bad person or that I am not worthy of love; it is because my people are a bunch of religion-addicted capitalist sons-of-bitches--and I am mean enough, ruthless enough, and dog gone it, people fear me."
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1 comment:
I don't think most commies are deep enough thinkers to worry about daily affirmations.
They are too busy thinking of ways to loot the productive members of society.
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