Today in Pizzaland

I had an interesting delivery run today.

There were two customers on the run. The first delivery was to someone with multiple Gay activism stickers plastered all over the front screendoor in such a way as to scream: LOOK AT ME, I'M SO [EXPLETIVE] WONDERFUL!

They paid for their order with a check for the exact amount.

The second delivery was to a working mother with a young son. She paid for her order with a check with a two-dollar tip written in.

If anything, fifteen months of delivering pizza for a living has caused my previous loathing of the Left to become deeper and more visceral. After all, why should any leftist go through the effort of doing something that is objectively positive, such as tipping the delivery driver, when they can merely strike a pose and feel good about themselves afterwards?

Why indeed?

Seriously, I generally received better tips from Mexican immigrants, who are working their butts off to support their families and are barely getting by, than I do from hardcore liberals. (The continued display of Kerry/Edwards and Wellstone yard signs or other indicators of political alignment are usually a dead giveaway.)

And Then She...

So anyway, I was checking Mark's Ann Coulter sig-quote page when I read this beauty:

"Why is it that the same people who have the least confidence in the police and the military are the most willing to allow only the police and the military to have guns?"

-- Ann Coulter

I think (and I'm still in the process of waking up here as I type this) that the answer has something to do with who's giving what orders and degree to which said orders could be reasonably expected to be followed.

I would think if a local socialist politician who gets in touch with his/her inner Stalin (or the stooge in the police chief's office who gets in touch with his inner Beria) were to command me to walk to the ditch outside of town and blow my brains out, the most likely response, at least verbally, is something to the effect of "go to Hell."

(And if Hillary is elected in '08, things could get really interesting really fast.)

This may also explain why some socialists are sympathetic to the idea of bringing convicted felons and conscripts into the armed forces. Where a citizen soldier may be reasonably expected to apply a buttstroke to the head of someone who orders the commission of an atrocity, a conscript has already demonstrated a capacity of obedience and the felon doesn't care.

I have to get dressed to go to work now...
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Oh, Good One...

Over at Mark's...

In Other News

If you haven't read or heard by now, Ann Coulter will be on the cover of SLIME TIME Magazine.

I like Ann, but she is a tall and thin Christian and I'm a short and fat atheist. It would never work.

Darn.
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Quotes of the Day

A dumbass Democrat senator (yes, I know its a redundancy) had this to say about President Bush's plan to reform Social Security:

"U.S. Treasury securities have the ability to be paid under any circumstances based on the ability of the government to print money."

In other words, let them eat paper!

Here's what Dr. Ray had to say about this:

Inflating the currency is a dreadful idea that has landed much of Latin America in massive trouble. Like a latter-day Evita Peron, Corzine smiles upon the Argentine economic model: skyrocketing prices, a currency as disposable as Kleenex, and rising social chaos. Democrats have said many silly things in their crusade to scuttle President Bush's personal retirement accounts, but this must be the stupidest.

To vote for a change, even though reality requires it, is for the Donks an admission that they were in some respect wrong.

I wouldn't expect them to do it.
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And Then...

Dr. John Ray has linked to an old rant of mine.

The Left, being dependent upon others for their sustenance, must stand in opposition to the society of rational consent and openly support systems of compulsion, be it various species of Socialism or the witch-doctor rule of Islam, because to do otherwise is to condemn themselves to death.

Of course, in my view, if the Left would just die it would be nice.

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Thought for the Day

To apologize to evil is to submit to it.
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Thought for the Day

Someday, a tourist from another planet will inquire about the location of the Terran city of Cheeseburg, the birthplace of the cheeseburger.
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Groan!

Walter Williams on stupid airport security (Part II):

One person wrote that he, his wife and son were stopped, questioned and searched at length by TSA and FBI officials. It turned out there was a terror alert for a person named Harry Smith (not the true name). The couple's 5-year-old son's name was also Harry Smith. How much brains do you think it requires for the FBI and TSA to immediately realize that their 5-year-old son was the wrong Harry Smith?

And here is his first piece on the subject of stupid airport security.
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Quote of the Day

Glenn M. Goffin wrote on the Traveller Mailing List:

The father of a friend was a US Army veteran of the Pacific war. He said that there was usually an informal agreement with the Japanese Imperial Marines not to take any prisoners: "It was just easier all around that way."

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
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Someone Else's Thought For The Day

The Gang of One said:

If it were not for falsehoods, distortions, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, and more lies, the left would have nothing to say.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
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Question

Does anyone remember the Narn Bat Squad?

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Thought for the Day

I'm glad that I'm not a parent.

(HT: Donald Sensing)

Somewhere In Pizzaland

On Friday afternoon I had to give a point by point instruction to a Somali immigrant on how to write a check in order to pay for her veggie pizza.

One thing that I noticed is that hardcore leftist activists are extremely parsimonious when it comes to tipping. One even laughed in my face when I suggested that he could write in a tip on the credit card slip.

Shows how much they really love the real workers.

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Quote of the Day

"To send men to the firing squad, judicial proof is unnecessary."

-- Che Guevara

Fun Fact

When I talk to myself I usually use the first person plural.

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A Question

What are you doing on May 1st?

Bruce Walker writes in the American Daily:

America must begin to remember the Other Holocaust. Communism, unlike Nazism, is not dead. Putin today dips his toe into the water to see if the Cold War against communism is still cold. The Korean Hitler has created a Treblinka that dwarfs Treblinka. China ponders Tiananmen Square wonders whether the genocide of Tibet, much more recent than HaShoah, is still treated as nothing.

The ghost of Hitler is dead, but the ghost of Stalin is not. What better time for Americans and their government to recall these than when we remember their dead brothers and sisters in Nazi death camps? If we do not begin to remember the Gulag and the Killing Fields and Tibet and the vast apparatus of communist democide, then it is inevitable that we can and we will forget HaShoah.

How about a memorial for the victims of Communism?

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Idiot Saving Time

John J. Miller at National Review Online explains the true origins of Daylight Savings Time and why it should be repealed.

In Other News

NASA has found water on Mars.

Wiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Cox and Forkum has given us cause for thought, if not cause for concern:



There's also an ongoing discussion of the meaning of this cartoon.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled April Fool's Day.

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Bad News

Mark Noonan, formerly of Blogs for Bush, has endorsed Hillary Clinton.

After careful consideration, we here at Blogs for Bush have decided to endorse Hillary Clinton for re-election to the Senate in 2006 and for President in 2008. Nothing would be more likely to bring America out of its current political morass than the intellectually brilliant and politically principled positions of the Senator from New York.

Dammit!

News of the Day

Mark Urbin has put up my New Devil's Dictionary on his server.

Check it out.

My Horoscope

From The Onion:

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

Your life expectancy will reach an all-time low this week when it somehow gets out that you're a good source of potassium, folic acid, and $245 in small bills.

This is Lame...

...even for a Nigerian scam artist:

D‮rae‬ Ba‮alcr‬ys Mem‮eb‬r,

T‮sih‬ em‮ia‬l was s‮ne‬t by the Barcla‮sy‬ s‮evre‬r to v‮re‬ify y‮ruo‬ ema‮li‬ add‮sser‬. You m‮tsu‬ c‮etelpmo‬ th‮si‬ pr‮co‬ess by click‮ni‬g on the l‮kni‬ b‮wole‬ and e‮tn‬ering in the s‮llam‬ wi‮wodn‬ y‮uo‬r Bar‮syalc‬ Members‮ih‬p num‮reb‬, pass‮doc‬e and memorab‮el‬ wo‮dr‬.
Th‮si‬ is d‮eno‬ for y‮uo‬r pro‮noitcet‬ - b‮ace‬use so‮em‬ of our m‮bme‬ers no lon‮eg‬r h‮va‬e acc‮se‬s to th‮ie‬r e‮liam‬ ad‮erd‬sses and we m‮su‬t ver‮fi‬y it. To ver‮yfi‬ yo‮ru‬ e‮iam‬l ad‮rd‬ess and acc‮sse‬ y‮uo‬r b‮kna‬ ac‮oc‬unt , c‮kc

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

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Shameless Web Traffic Pulling Stunt

Pardon me for a moment (HT: Whacking Day):

"Right Wing Hate Site!"

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

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Fifth Horseman, Continued

Fametracker Fame Audit does William Shatner:

Some celebrities think they've got this whole image thing figured out, they can have fun with it, and they can make it their bitch. Sure, we like John Malkovich, and, sure, we thought it was cool and funny when he starred in Being John Malkovich. But for William Shatner, every day is Being William Shatner. Some celebrities get it, but Shatner so thoroughly gets it that "it" no longer exists. He's consumed "it." He's crawled up inside celebrity and made it explode, the way that Neo finally crawls into Agent Smith and makes him explode. (Uh, sorry -- Matrix spoiler, for all you Amish out there.)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

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The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse!

I just picked up William Shatner's new album CD, HAS BEEN.

The cover looks like something that was designed in the late sixties or early seventies.

I started to play the first track and Dana the landlady starts pounding on the floor above me. She doesn't believe that I should inflict any musical thing involving Shatner on her.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

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My Horoscope

From The Onion:

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

You'll find it hard to live a normal life for the next couple months, during which it will suddenly and inexplicably become fashionable to jump motorcycles over you.

Let's Also Subsidize The Manufacture of Buggy Whips Too!

Varifrank is having fun with the Traitors Peace Activists:

The cry for “No War in Iraq” was met with askance views from bystanders who correctly noted that the war in Iraq had not only already been fought but has been won for over two years. Other banners and placards in the rapidly diminishing crowds calling for the ratification of the League of Nations Treaty and passage of the Equal Rights Amendment along with cries for Women’s Suffrage and “Re-implement the Volstead Act” were also seen in the crowds of loyal if not highly deluded Howard Dean supporters. Other vocal and rowdy supporters of long time Presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan were undaunted by the fact that their favorite populist candidate has been dead for nearly 80 years. The southern rights activist group, Daughters for the Confederate States of America held a bake sale with sheet cakes that that read “ The South Shall Rise again” written in red and blue icing in scroll across the tops. “God Bless Bobby Byrd” said DCSA spokesman Hattie McCracker of Georgia as she noted to reporters that once upon a time there were many men in the Senate like him, but now there’s only one man there who back their peculiar institutions. "You used to be able to count on men from Texas to hold on to certain views, but it seems with George W. Bush, you just can't. You just never know who he's going to put in his cabinet." said Hattie to reporters as she sipped her mint julep on the courthouse steps.

Of course, if we had a truth in ideology act, the demonstrators would have to carry signs that read, "FREE SADDAM", "NO LIBERTY FOR ARABS", and "TYRANNY NOW!"

Later in the day, the flat earth society and its rivals the hollow earth society fought in open fisted combat in the Rockefeller center skating rink while supporters of the “Moon landing Hoax “ stood in neutral corners noting to one and all that the whole “polar thing” was a just ‘government conspiracy' in any case.

A Study In Contrasts

The Guru on his days in High School:

As the years pass it becomes ever more difficult to remember the feeling of national patriotism that characterized the inter-war period in America. The high school I attended boasted a battalion of ROTC cadets, plus a marching band. Cadets were in uniform Monday through Thursday, much as that may horrify current academic types. Every school morning we hoisted the colors on the front lawn to the accompaniment of two snare drums and two trumpets. The color guard, which handled the colors, was directed by the cadet battalion commander or his adjutant. At exactly 0800, the colors would sound attention and everyone then within ear-shot was expected to come to a standstill and face the colors, while the two cadet officers executed the saber salute.

-- Lt. Colonel Jeff Cooper, USMC, Retired

In present day California:

Song replaced bell used to signal lunch

"Gandhi beat the British Empire by not eating," Daniel said, so getting his school to broadcast "Slow Ride" was surely attainable. Also, the 17-year-old said, "I have a lot of free time."

He put it to use with a three-page letter that eloquently made the case for "Slow Ride." He launched a petition drive for Proposition Slow Ride and gathered 300 signatures. He secured the band's endorsement. Foghat sent him what drummer Roger Earl calls "Fogstuff" – CDs, autographed photos and the like – and wished him well.

Daniel didn't get any follow-up from Leyba after the meeting, so he and his friends devised messages in their Web design class to be delivered to Leyba daily. The first featured a photo of Daniel and an ultimatum that the principal had 10 days to play Foghat. If Leyba didn't play "Slow Ride," Daniel would go on a hunger strike. It was followed the next day with a photo of Daniel holding up nine fingers.

This is not progress.

Any attempt at coercion, especially the form of moral arm-twisting known as the hunger strike, should be treated as a hostile act.

The minimum correct response for the school administration would have been to say, "go ahead, starve yourself, stupid." Expulsion of the student is a definite option.

The answer to anyone who objects to the proper response is, "we will not accept moral responsibility, nor will we accept punishment for the consequences of what someone has chosen to do to himself."

My lack of God! What a bunch of wimps!

Thought for the Day

Who'd thought that being a conservative was so much fun?

For example:

This Is Sick

In Florida:

A registered sex offender admitted Friday that he kidnapped and killed a 9-year-old girl who disappeared from her bedroom more than three weeks ago and told police where they could find her body, authorities said.

Ok, here's Les' theory of Leftism in One Lesson:

In Leftism, human life is evil, anything that damages or destroys human life is good.

The ruling principle of Leftism applied to this situation: Innocent little girls and police officers who protect them are evil, repeat sexual predators and the lawyers who protect them from justice are good.

I know it's wrong, but in Leftism wrong is right.

Thought for the Day

In my view the basic function of liberal (specifically Marxist) doctrine is to deny reality.

The specific fact of reality that absolutely must be denied under all circumstances is that each of us as human beings has right to say no.

No to the demand for obedience.

No to the demand for material support.

No to the demand for power over our lives.

Liberals, and the left in general, are parasites on human society. Without the power to compel others to materially support them the members of the left would be compelled either to become rational and productive beings or literally die off.

And it is not enough for the Left, especially their leaders, to be materially supported. They must also feel secure in their status as the masters of the productive. They must stage spectacles of mass obedience to create and reinforce their feelings of security.

The parades on May Day and anniversary of the local party's ascent to power.

The hours-long speeches that must be listened to with total attention and applauded with the greatest of enthusiasm.

And don't be the first to stop applauding when the leader speaks, that's disloyal!

To the left, every word of dissent or refusal is a sentence of death. And every pistol and rifle in the hands of a private citizen is a weapon pointed straight at their heads.

Someday, we're going to have to pull the triggers.

This Qualifies As Surreal

William Shatner has a new album music CD.

This may be a sign of the end of the world.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

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Thought for the Day

"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," sounds really, really, really great if one is one of the needy.

For example: Karl Marx. Karl Marx. And Karl Marx.

Living In Pizzaland

While driving today I saw a woman driving a Subaru with a Kerry sticker toss a cigarette out her window. One should think that she would show more respect for the environment.

Quote of the Day

Contrary to popular belief, we science fiction writers don’t predict the future -- we try to prevent undesirable futures.

-- Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Groan!

I'm sorry to say that there is such a thing as a dumb Republican:

A new bill introduced in the Minnesota House last week would prohibit 21-year-olds from drinking at midnight on their birthdays. Individuals would have to wait until 8 a.m. instead.

The chief author of the bill, Rep. Morrie Lanning, R-Moorhead, said the purpose is to prevent deaths because of excessive drinking of alcohol by young adults.

This is the sort of dumb-shit nonsense that causes us to lose votes to the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Demented-Fascist-Looter Party.

One of the fun things to watch in Minnesota politics is the spectacle of the reality-centered Republicans trying to rein in the excesses of the born-again bozoid wing of the party. It's bloody hard to explain why we're not heading into a theocracy when some bozoid comes up with this sort of legislative garbage.

Oh Really?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thought for the Day

The instructors in our educational establishment, from kindergarten to the post-graduate level, should be both honest and sane.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

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It's Finished!

Friends In High Places, Part Twenty

or

Ramen And Whipsnade Are Feeling Better Now

By Leslie Bates



Whipsnade woke up in a slow and groggy manner. The universe
seemed to have gone dark on him until he brought his right hand
up to his head. Apparently some joker had laid his boater over
his own face.

Nice of him, her, or for he knew, it.

Whipsnade saw that he was in the lower bunk of what appeared to
be a crew cabin on an Imperial warship. In the workstation chair
opposite the bunks was his partner Fred Ramen.

"I thought we were dead" Said Fred.

"We were." Said Larsen.

"But now," said Fred. "Now, I'd say we were on one of the old
COBRA class escorts."

"Or a CARRONADE," replied Larsen. "By the non-regulation paint
job in this cabin it would have to be one in private hands."

Hopefully not in pirate hands, he thought. "Want to see what's
out there?" He said pointing to the door.

"Sure," said Fred. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Fred stood up and opened the door of the crew cabin only to find
himself staring at the muzzle of a Imperial 7-millimeter ACRS.

"Urk!" said Fred. It was his turn to say it this time.

Larsen saw that the ACRS was being held by woman with short brown
hair wearing an "I (HEART) H.E." tee-shirt along with a set of
Marine grey shipboard boots and trousers, she also had an 11.4
millimeter auto-pistol in a belt holster.

She didn't look a day over thirty in age.

"Good morning Lady Windhaven," said Larsen. "My goodness, you
look lovely today."

"Thank you, Mister Whipsnade," said Lisa. "Dennie would like to
have a word with both of you."

Dennis was sitting with hands folded at the table in the officers
wardroom. Laying on the table was an 11.4 millimeter auto-pistol
identical to the one in Lisa's holster.

He didn't look a day over thirty.

"Gentlemen," said Dennis, "we have a bit of a problem."

"We're on the CHAUCHAT, aren't we?" Asked Fred.

Dennis visibly suppressed a twitch of the right hand.

"In a manner of speaking, yes," said Dennis. "Now, If we may
return to the business at hand."

"Manner of speaking? Larsen piped up. "That should have been
simple 'yes' or 'no' answer."

Dennie's right hand twitched again. It was at this point that the
ship decided to jump into the conversation.

"Except for the original Imperial Standard transponder suite,
which Ditzie was supposed to have destroyed, this vessel is a
close copy of the original CHAUCHAT." said a French accented
feminine voice. "And in a manner of speaking, Dennis are Lisa are
also copies."

Dennis dropped his head into his hands and began to softly groan.

"I told you we didn't need that particular upgrade," Lisa once
again said to Dennis. "But did you listen...nooooo..."

"Miss...um...Mademoiselle CHAUCHAT?" Said Fred.

"I prefer to be called SOPHIE," said the ship. "There is
something fundamentally not nice about naming a ship after the
worst automatic firearm issued to an army in human history. Of
course that's my opinion. You should hear Woody go on about it,
he actually had to use one of the damned things."

"Woody?" Fred and Larsen asked simultaneously.

"Woodrow Wilson Smith." Said Dennis. "And that gentlemen, in a
manner of speaking, is the problem."

"Problems, plural." Said Lisa.

Fred and Larsen looked at each other and then turned back to
Dennis and Lisa. Larsen spoke first.

"So...how do these...problems involve us?"

Dennis answered.

"It's the fallout from your recent trip to the Hellbelt."

"During your romp through the fictional universe memes," said
Lisa, "you made a stop in what appeared to be Woody's universe."

"Um." Said Fred. "Ah. Yes."

"Well, the thing is," said Dennis, "in that universe, that
version of 'Woody' was running around and setting up
Spartan/Helot type colonies for the benefit of his fellow
Howards. While there would be some Howards who were dumb or
depraved enough to engage in such behavior, the real Woody would
never deliberately set up something with moral stench of a
Master/Slave society."

"He's funny that way." Said SOPHIE.

"But it was a fictional meme," said Larsen, "what could possibly
be the problem?"

"By the rules of the Woodyverse," said Dennis, "fictional
universes, including this one, become real universes."

Both Fred and Larsen both thought, oh bloody hell!

"So instead of one Long Family bouncing around the multiverse,"
said Lisa, "we now have a Long Family and an Anti-Long Family
shooting it out."

"And Woody's usual tactic of simply outliving the opposition
really, really, really isn't going to work in this situation."
Said Dennis.

That was a horrible thought. But then Larsen had another thought.

"Lord Windhaven," said Larsen, "It's been some time since..."

Dennis interrupted him.

"Of course," He said. "I have been remiss as a host, something
with an ethyl alcohol content, of course."

Under the circumstances, something with a methyl alcohol content
would be acceptable too.

Lisa slung her ACRS and then pulled two gray labeled bottles of
Old Bilandin from the wardroom fridge and handed them to Fred and
Larsen. Old Bilandin was the worst mass produced beer in the
known universe. Legend was that it brewed with well-used sweat
socks and day-old dog drool from a millennia old Vilani recipe.

Fred watched in horror as Larsen slammed down the entire contents
of his bottle in one sustained chug.

"Its really the only way to do it." Whipsnade gasped.

Ramen looked down at his bottle, closed his eyes, and gulped down
the contents as quickly as possible. Fred let out a belch and
then took a deep breath.

"God!" Said Fred. "That was..."

Fred was going to say dreadful, but then he saw that the 11.4
millimeter auto-pistol was still on the wardroom table and that
Dennis was visibly using his left hand to hold down his right
hand.

"That was very kind of you, my lord." Said Fred.

"Thank you," Said Dennis. He stopped twitching.

"So anyway," said Lisa.

"Three kilograms," Dennis replied. "Anyway, all other factors
being equal in an armed conflict, he who brings the most
firepower to the party usually wins."

Fred and Larsen both made an empty hands gesture. If there was a
way to make a fast credit on this situation either one would have
thought of it by now.

Damn. Perhaps they could make a not-so-fast credit or two.

"Granted," said Dennis, "you two really can't do anything to help
clean up the mess, but at least you can come along for the ride."

The image of both men in vacc-suits being hull-taped to the
exterior of the CHAUCHAT suddenly came to both their minds.

Before either Fred or Larsen could reply, a higher pitched female
voice cut into the conversation from the behind them.

"Are we there yet?" Said the voice.

Ramen and Whipsnade both turned to see a raven-haired and very
well constructed young woman in an "I (Heart) H.E." tee-shirt,
very short white shorts, and long and tight white leather boots.
She also wore a brushed stainless steel pistol of an
unidentifiable type in a white leather thigh holster.

She didn't look a day over thirty.

"No, not yet." Dennis said. "Gentlemen, I believe you've already
met my niece, Ditzie."

Ditzie did a cute little girl wave.

"Hi guys!" She said.

Fred and Larsen waved back. It seemed like a good idea.

"And yes," Dennis said, "there _are_ some things that should be
done to the human genome."

"Well, duhhhhh!" Ditzie replied in a mocking tone of voice.

Lisa crossed her arms and glared at Dennis.

"What?" Said Dennis.

"Oh, come on!" Ditzie said to Dennis. "Uncle Woody says that its
not really incest!"

"Not that it ever stopped him!" Lisa cut in.

"No." Dennis responded to Ditzie. "I won't, but you're welcome to
have a go at Woody."

Before anyone could say anything else an "ahem" emanated from the
aft entrance of the wardroom.

Standing at the hatch was a bald and overweight fellow in his
mid-forties, he had a mustache, wore an old grey tee-shirt,
camouflage trousers, and a pair of eyeglasses.

"Could you guys speed it up a bit?" He said. "I want to get back
to work on my screenplay."

"Les, you could work on your screenplay anytime you wish." Said
Lisa. "But, you don't have the rights to use the official
universe or the money to put your film into production."

"I'll deal with each of the problems one at a time, my lady."
Said the Author.

"Oh, really?" Dennis spoke up. "Deal with the problems? You
haven't even finished _Friends_In_High_Places_, you creep!"

"Yes," Said Fred. "I was wondering about that."

The Author sighed, and then replied.

"Lisa gets dumped by her first husband. Ditzie sets a distance
record for a ship kill with a spine-mount particle beam. Dennis
kills the rogue engineer, and his long lost brother Harry dies in
his arms, but not before he picks up a mental image of the
'Empress in Black.' Aramanx Jack then wears a feather boa to the
victory celebration. And in the epilogue, Strephon signs the
order for the construction of the Longbow-II array."

"Are you all happy now?" Said the Author.

Dennis sat on his own right hand.

"Wait a minute," he said. "Are you saying THAT I AM RESPONSIBLE
for the destruction of the Imperium?"

"What?" Said Larsen. "What happened?"

"Something you guys missed out on." Les replied to Larsen. "Don't
worry about it." He then turned to Dennis.

"No, it was the Archduke Dulinor." He said. "But you guys did
take care of that problem rather nicely."

"Really?" Said Fred. "They did? How?"

"Oh! That was lots of fun!" Said Ditzie. "We went back in time
and I dumped nine gigawatts of coherent light onto Dulinor's
landing boat before he could land and walk into the throne room
and shoot the Emperor!"

Ramen and Whipsnade looked at each other.

Time travel? If only they could...

"The real fun," said Lisa, "was presenting our bona-fides and our
history files to the Emperor. And the cover-up, of course. We
were a bit at loose ends until Woody contacted us."

The Author strolled over to the wardroom fridge, opened it, and
extracted a bottle of Old Bilandin.

"Dennie," the Author said, "how many times do I have to tell you
to stop hiding the good stuff?"

With a wave of his right hand the Author transformed the label on
the bottle from the dull gray of Old Bilandin to the blue with
white letters of something called Samuel Adams.

Dennis was now visibly twitching.

"You invented that swill for that screenplay of yours!" He said.

"Had to," said the Author, "an authority told me that Scout Brew
was no longer in the canon." He took a sip from his bottle. "If
I could think of something worse, I would have used it."

"What about a light beer?" Ditzie asked.

The Author stopped in his tracks. He looked at Ditzie.

"Thank you," he said, "I never thought of that."

Old Bilandin Light, what a truly evil idea. The Author started to
laugh.

Dennis stood up, picked up his 11.4 millimeter auto-pistol from
the table, and shot the Author in the chest.

The impact of the first round caused the Author to drop his beer.
His eyeglasses also flew off and hit the floor causing the right
lens to pop out of the frame.

Dennis fired again.

The second round deformed the Author's head and caused his brains
to be splattered on the wardroom wall.

The Author's body impacted on the deck with a loud thump.

When the ringing in Whipsnade's ears dropped to a tolerable level
he spoke up.

"That was your author?"

"Yes." Said Dennis.

"And were all still here?." Said Ramen.

"We've been, 'here', as you put it since Woody contacted us."
Said Lisa.

"But I thought you liked him." Ditzie said "He liked you."

"He didn't like me," Dennis said levelly, "he never liked me!"

"If he really liked us," said Lisa, "he would never have used us
as the butt of all those pathetic jokes."

"Captain," SOPHIE cut in, "we have returned to normal space."

"Can we have a visual please, SOPHIE?" Dennis replied.

"Oui, mon capitaine!"

Ramen and Whipsnade looked around for the wardroom's holotank.
Instead they saw the walls and ceiling of the room dissolve into
a field of stars. In the starscape above and forward of the ship
was a verdant earth-like world.

"Gentlemen," Dennis said to Fred and Larsen, "welcome to Tellus
Tertius, our new home."

A tall and statuesque brunette woman stepped into the wardroom
with a 7-millimeter ACRS. She almost tripped over the remains of
the Author.

She didn't look a day over thirty.

"I thought I heard gunfire." Dana said. She looked down at the
corpse of the Author and said. "It was about bloody time you did
something about him."

"Yes," said Dennis. "SOPHIE, would you please land the ship."

"Oui, mon capitaine!"

Dennis took one last look at the body on the deck, and then
spoke.

"And would someone please take that trash and stuff it into a
mass converter. And do not mention to me the name of Leslie
Bates ever again."

Ditzie softly spoke to Fred and Larsen.

"Could you guys help me with this?" She said as she pointed to
the late Author.

Sure, they thought, why not? It seemed like a good idea.


The End.

And Now...

Elena's Orange Revolution Page.

.

Quote of the Day

"The Party of Lenin Will Lead Us To The Triumph Of Communism"

The whole site starts here.

Quote of the Day

"The notion of the world divided between Good and Evil is perceived with dread."

-- Patrice de Beer, Le Monde

Could it be the dread of being identified as being evil, followed by the dread of being dealt with as such?

Cause For Concern

Comrade Putin establishes Der Putinjugend.

Do we give the launch order now or wait until they invade Poland?

Busy

Writing short story.

Will return to blogging later.

Somebody Is Seeing The Fnords

Tim Blair exposes Karl Rove's evil plan...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Someone Else's Thought For The Day

LASunsett has an idea:

I move that we honor Bill Clinton.

How does the William Jefferson Clinton Wastewater and Sewage Treatment Plant, sound?

That's good, but how about "Big Bubba's Cigar and Knocking Shop"?

I love British euphemisms.

42, What's The Question?

I have to see this.

I must confess that I originally heard the BBC Radio series on National Public Radio.

Oh, the shame of it.

Meanwhile...Across The Ocean

Green goons attack commodity traders, commodity traders strike back causing green goons to cry like the spoiled babies that they are.

Here's my initial comment (posted at Emperor Misha's) on the whole thing:

Commerce has been part of human life since someone discovered that they could trade their better quality stone knives for some decently processed bear skins. Commerce is one of the things that separate us from the lower animals.

An attack on commerce by the green-creeps (or socialists in general) is an attack on human life in general.

Well, Isn't That Surreal?

Characters from my TRAVELLER fan fiction novel have shown up in someone else's online novel.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

So Anyway

I'm up to page 15 of the "damn the budget" version of my screenplay for a TRAVELLER movie.

This is about 1/6th the basic minimum length for a screenplay.

Well, Isn't That Surreal?

The United States Navy has placed into commission the nuclear powered attack submarine U.S.S. JIMMY CARTER.

To which I have to say, "HUH?"

And this is Chris Muir's take on this:



We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

Thought for the Day

Ayn Rand used to mock the nature-worshipping greenies by suggesting that they turn to worshipping smokestacks.

Screw the smokestack, I'll take a Saturn-V any day.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

Les On Blogging

Never apologise for being right, no matter who you offend.

Well, Isn't That Surreal?

It becomes increasingly apparent that the word "journalist" is now synonymous with the word liar.

For example:

European journalists tend to portray the Sunni Arab and al Qaeda terrorism as the brave efforts of a broad based Iraqi effort to free the country of hated American occupiers. These fantasies get more bizarre, with accusations that coalition forces are behind the kidnappings, or, at worst, it is common criminals looking to score a large ransom ... Reality is contorted in truly amazing ways by these writers, as they try to make Saddam's tyranny into the "good old days", and a better place than a democratic Iraq. The recent elections are portrayed as a clever fraud, and any Iraqi fighting against the terrorists are deemed traitorous collaborators.

Quote of the Day

Dr. John Ray dug up an interesting quote from Friedrich Engels:

"The Germans have long since shown that in all spheres of science they are equal, and in most of them superior, to other civilised nations. Only one branch of science, political economy, had no German name among its foremost scholars."

Do we have to wonder why?

In Other News

Al Franken will not run for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by Mark Dayton Marshall-Fields.

Darn, that means that the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Demented-Fascist-Looter party will have to nominate a serious candidate for that seat.

Union Goonery In Action

An open letter from actor Jon Voight.

A Reminder

The Soviet Union built the first nuclear armed Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

My Horoscope

From The Onion, February 9, 2005:

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

You're fond of saying that there's more that unites people than divides them, a sentiment that is proven true when the Nepalese band together to destroy you.

And I used to worry about lefties.

Someone Else's Thought For The Day

A veteran of the Korean War has something to say about the folks in Hollyweird:

In contrast to the ideals, opinions and feelings of today's "Hollywonk" the real actors of yester-year loved the United States.

They had both class and integrity. With the advent of World War many of our actors went to fight rather than stand and rant against this country we all love.

They gave up their wealth, position and fame to become service men & women, many as enlisted.

This page lists but a few, but from this group of only 18 men came over 70 medals in honor of their valor, spanning from Bronze Stars, Silver Stars, Distinguish Service Cross', Purple Hearts and one Congressional Medal of Honor.

So remember; while the "Entertainers of 2005" have been in all of the news media lately I would like to remind the people of what the entertainers of 1943 were doing, (62 years ago).

Most of these brave men have since passed on.

You really should read the whole thing.

Today in Pizzaland

Made a delivery tonight to a local den of thieves union hall. In this temple of socialism there was am envelope stuffing party going on. A Wellstone yard sign had been framed and was hanging in a position of honor at the front of the hall.

I managed not to spit fire at anyone present.

So much for rational & reasoned debate from the left...

As the old saying goes, "It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is humping your leg and howling at the moon."
Here we have an example of a college student responding to an article on Leftist textbooks rewriting the Cold War with code to find the GCD.

Irony In Action

Mark Noonan at Blogs for Bush wrote:

It is absurd to think that the solutions to 70 year old problems are applicable in the world of today - we just aren't what we were back then. We need, as a society, to ever think anew and act anew. But what we're getting, in what is surely one of history's greatest ironies, is liberals demanding rigid adherence to the past while conservatives are pushing change for the future ... liberals seem determined to stand or fall upon a defense of things as they are - they have become reactionaries; disdaining change not because of what it might do, but because it is change. We've got a long fight on this Social Security issue, but I cannot imagine that a hidebound defense of a worn-out past will triumph.

Quote of the Day

Wretchard at The Belmont Club writes:

There is an implicit contract between the student and university that a reasonable education will be provided in exchange for the time, effort and money spent studying. It is hard to see how the University's end of the bargain will be kept if it allows it students to be instructed in ethnic studies by a fake Indian teaching fascism. One might be forgiven for wondering whether the students aren't being shortchanged.

We should wonder what kind of ride we are being taken on as a civilization when Marxism, the font of all the megahomicidal ideologies of the 20th Century, is still being treated and taught as a serious and valid political, economic, and moral doctrine.

The proper purpose of the process of education is to teach children to become functional, rational, and productive adults. There is absolutely no place in any educational establishment for indoctrination in Marxism, that is for teaching children to become mass-murdering enemies of mankind. And no taxpayer of any nation should be compelled to pay for indoctrination in such lethal nonsense.

So is anyone interested in doing a candlelight vigil for the victims of Marxism on this coming May 1st?

Stuff

Had a dream last night involving actress Michele Forbes and an industrial mishap at a ground facility of a Russian nuclear space propulsion project.

Started writing a screenplay for a Traveller movie. I am going to do a "damn the budget" version first and then rewrite to fit a budget later. I should have the first draft done by the first of May.

Speaking of Mayday, it would be a good idea if there is some form of memorial for the victims of communism.

Off to do a nine-hour shift driving for Pizza Hut. The way things are going it will likely go on to eleven hours again. They actually scheduled me for overtime this week. (Oh, boy!)

Rest In Peace

Actor John Vernon has died at the age of 72.

As to his most famous line in the film ANIMAL HOUSE:

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Yes, I am fat. I don't drink, even when driving home is not an issue. And I take intellectual shortcuts like deleting any comment that cites Karl Marx as a valid authority.

Mr. Sowell calls it again.

Thomas Sowell on the Iraqi elections and the predictable response by Senator Kerry:

Senator John Kerry loudly proclaimed on "Meet the Press" that the Iraqi election represented President Bush's "last chance" to "get it right." Nothing is easier than to demand more from somebody else -- even when you yourself have been an obstacle to achieving what has already been achieved.

Senator Kerry has a long record as a defeatist and obstructionist. Back in 1971, he said, "we cannot fight communism all over the world" -- adding in the same arrogant tone he uses today, "I think we should have learned that lesson by now."

Ronald Reagan never learned that lesson -- and hundreds of millions of human beings are free of communist tyranny today as a result. But during all the years when President Reagan was building up our military forces and our intelligence agencies, Senator Kerry was consistently voting against the appropriations required to do so.

What both men were doing was consistent with their respective assumptions and goals. Senator Kerry was just one of the defeatist elitists who regarded the communist bloc as a "fact of life" which we could only accept and which it was futile to waste resources opposing.

They imagined themselves to be so much wiser than other people that condescension was only natural, as they brushed aside any other viewpoint with such dismissive words as "cowboy" or even "stupid." The fact that events proved the defeatist elitists dead wrong in the Cold War -- and now again in the Iraqi elections -- has not yet broken through their smugness.

Probably nothing ever will. But that does not mean that the rest of us need to keep taking their high opinion of themselves seriously.

Think Of It As Islam In Action

Old folks being dumped in Arabia:

JEDDAH, 3 February 2005 — Some elderly Saudis are being disposed of by their families who dump them off in front of area hospitals and speed away, leaving doctors furious and flabbergasted by this bizarre, cruel behavior.

Recently, three separate families abandoned their parents — and their responsibilities — at King Fahd Hospital.

I'm looking forward to the new action film: DEATHRACE SAUDI ARABIA.

This Was Not Unexpected

ST: Enterprise cancelled by Paramount/UPN.

The ghost of George Orwell complains about the title of this post.

(He had a problem with the "not un" formation.)

News of the Day

Iranian mullahcrats eagerly await martyrdom.


So what else is new?

Thoughts for the Day

A leader without followers is just another lunatic.

And Varifrank has something to say about the general election in Iraq:

Today, the slavemasters of the world lost. Today, those who look at the people in their country as their private property were told in no uncertain terms that given the chance to be free, all people will choose to be free. People will brave bullets to be free, people will lay down their lives for others to have just the chance be free.

So-called French Aide

Via Michelle Malkin:

The naval ship's pantry is stocked with wines, baguettes and pate, and its casual dress code is shorts and sandals. There's even an artist - a painter to keep an illustrated record of the trip.

With a panache all its own, France's military is delivering aid to tsunami-battered Indonesia - and showing how a small force can make a difference.

A month after killer waves struck the Indonesian island of Sumatra, the French are part of an international relief operation that includes forces from more than a dozen nations, including Japan, Russia and Switzerland.

The 1,000 or so French sailors and soldiers arrived in Aceh province on the island's northern tip two weeks ago...

A mere thousand out of the entire French military? Compared to a US Carrier Group, it seems kinda stingy...

Um...Okay...

NASA builds Starfleet rovers.

Also going to Mom's, back Tuesday.

Statement of Policy

In a free country one may eject a obnoxious lout from their own home or place of business.

And unlike Comrade Stalin, I don't have an army of trench-coated goons to send out and murder those I disagree with. There is a VERY DISTINCT difference between the power of the state and the rights of the private citizen. Learn to live with it.

Furthermore, comparing someone to the bloodiest murderer of the 20th Century and calling that person a traitor and an enemy of freedom are gross insults and I am under no moral obligation to tolerate such on my weblog. Anyone who doesn't like that is free to whine about it on their own weblog.

I stand for INDIVIDUAL LIBERTY, which is the right of the individual person to control their own life and property, and as such this includes the right to refuse contact with those the individual disagrees with or otherwise finds obnoxious. Tyranny is when such refusals are answered with physical force.

I have said before and will continue to say that those have or who seek to establish tyranny are toxic to human life, and I have absolutely no ethical objections to dealing with them as such.

"Just Memories"

There was once a Saturday Night Live sketch where Eddie Murphy played a reggae performer playing at an American Legion Post whose lyrics included the phrase, "kill the white man." After Murphy's character is taken aside by the white guy in charge of the venue he changes the lyrics to, "kill the white man, but not until he buys all my records."

Dr. Ray has a bit on similar behavior on the part of Karl Marx.

Quote of the Day

"An anecdote is a data point that science wants to ignore. Remember
this useful phrase. You will find you need it again and again."

-- Jerry Pournelle

Ahem...

I have found it necessary to restrict access to the comments option.

This is my weblog and as long as my name is incorporated into the URL I will be the sole authority on what may or may not be posted on any part of it.

And if some Marxist piece of shit feels oppressed by this, well that is too fucking bad.

Quote of the Day

From Something Positive:

"'Asshole' is not an alternative lifestyle."

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

Someone Else's Thought For The Day II

Robert Tracinski on the inauguration protests:

But the leftist protests take on an especially evil significance when they attempt to disrupt the presidential inauguration. Other protests could be interpreted as an attack on a specific party, politician, or policy, not as an attack on the American political system as such. But the inauguration by its nature *must* be a non-partisan event. Its purpose is for members of all political parties and allegiances to affirm the legitimacy of the election result and support the peaceful transition of power.

Remember, the Marxists believe in their own right to violently seize power and to kill those resist.

And we have no need to wonder about the ultimate political allegiances of the left. In foreign policy, they scream about the evils of the American system and consistently defend dictators and terrorists--especially when they are engaged in open warfare against the United States.

If a socialist economic dictatorship is their ideal, and if they regard Saddam Hussein and Yasser Arafat as the wronged victims of American foreign policy, then the left is right to protest the process of voting and the peaceful transition of power celebrated at today's inauguration--because they are enemies of a free society.

I will go as far to say that they are Enemies of Mankind in General, to be dealt with as wolves are.

Deep Thought

The thing that Karl Marx most deperately sought was freedom from having to work for a living.

Someone Else's Thought For The Day

David Horowitz on the Left's response to President Bush's second inaugural address:

The totalitarian Left -- the Left that calls itself progressive and identifies its totalitarian goals with the seductive phrase "social justice" -- hated the speech (naturally), along the man who gave it. "The worst president ever" was one of the milder slogans on a sign in the crowd that gathered along Pennsylvania Avenue to trumpet their hate towards the inaugural parade. But there was hardly a liberal organ in the nation -- from the New York Times to the Washington Post -- that did not find something to wring its hands about in the president's speech. It was a Rorschach moment. This was a self-revelation, a testament to the reactionary force that liberalism has become. The torch of freedom has passed, as President Kennedy said in his own summons to his countrymen to stand up for what is right. But it has passed not to a nation united, as Kennedy fervently wished, but to the conservative vanguard that still takes the Founding spirit of the nation seriously, still rings its Liberty Bell, and is prepared to stay the course of the mission that inspired its birth.

What would Orwell say?

Those who uphold, defend, and spread economic and political liberty are called Conservatives while those who seek to lock humanity down under their total control are called Progressives. In effect, in the political context, the practical meanings of the political labels are reversed.

The one of the functions of language is to serve as the operating system of human thought. But the function of Newspeak is to prevent correct identification of the facts of reality. Thus bloodsoaked tyrants such as Fidel Castro are called liberators and liberators such as President Bush are called oppressors. But since clarity of thought, the correct identification of the facts of reality, is necessary for humans to survive and prosper, a language form that obscures facts and disconnects thought from reality has the effect of being toxic to human life. Each subsequent revision of Newspeak, with its increasing disconnection from reality, is increasingly toxic to human life. An ultimate version of Newspeak, in which any thought is impossible, would be totally lethal.

Thus if we are to survive and prosper as individuals and as a society we must remove the newspeakers from our educational establishments and if necessary isolate them from society altogether.

Quote of the Day

"Well, I don't think that there is any question about it. It can only be attributable to human error. This sort of thing has cropped up before, and it has always been due to human error."

-- HAL 9000

Data recovered from Huygens probe in spite of human error.

Define Art

Art is something that won't be identified as garbage and hauled away.

This definition by negative is brought to you by the city of Frankfurt, where trashmen hauled away an alledged sculpture for incineration. (The hat tip goes to Dr. John Ray.)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

That's It...I'm Moving!

The city of Mankato, Minnesota homepage.

Meanwhile...Across The Solar System...

Mars rover finds basketball sized meteorite.

"I didn't see this one coming," says NASA scientist.

(Insert Hardware Wars joke here.)

In Other News

Actress Gillian Anderson just got married again.

Um...okay...

I Have Been Remiss...

I haven't visited the Communists For Kerry site for a while and thus missed their election night report:

Lenin tells Rosa Luxemburg how he changed costumes so that within one hour he could cast nine votes for John Kerry - as Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Bukharin, Dzerzhinsky, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and twice as Laika the Space Dog!

Hey Rosa, can you purge me too?

The Left In Action

Tim Blair's weblog site has been hacked.

According to Mr. Blair:

Apparently my site has been hacked — all posts and archives removed, etc. Not sure yet if anything can be recovered.

Worse, I’m currently unable to post (password details have been corrupted) so would appreciate if any or all of you could alert readers.

All in favor of making censorship a capital offense please raise your hand...

(Les' hand is raised)

The Doctor Is In

Dr. John Ray has a few words about the self-styled American Progressives of a century ago:

Probably the major thing that holds the American Left from wider adoption of their alternative name however is the legacy of the last major American political movement to use that name -- the "Progressives" of around the beginning of the 20th century. Let me note what an embarrassment THEY are:

Like all Leftists, they were a fractious lot so there is no fixed list of what a Progressive believed but here are some of the notable features in Progressive doctrine: They were (of course) anti-business, pro-welfare and believers in central government management of the economy but as well as that they believed in eugenics, racial superiority, war as a purifying force, nationalism, imperialism, conformity, discipline, book-burning, loyalty oaths and straight-armed salutes. And they despised the Jews, of course.

Does all that somehow ring a bell? Where else have you heard of such a set of ideas? You've got it! All of those ideas were also Hitler's ideas. And THAT'S WHERE HITLER GOT A LOT OF IT FROM. The American Progressives were the first Fascists of the 20th century. In America they were mostly unable to put those ideas into full practice but Hitler showed what happens when you do.

Which in part explains why the present day "Progressives" are so desperate to hang on to control of the public schools. I mean gee, gosh, and wow. What would happen to the Left if the schools actually taught the real history of the last century?

A round in the back of the head in the old Soviet style?

Disclosure

I have never accepted a monetary donation is exchange for a political endorsement on this weblog.

If I did, I would not have to deliver pizza for a living.

Thought for the Day

One gets the impression that the bozoids at CBS, and the mainstream or legacy media in general, believe that the First Amendment is in effect a legalization of actions that in any other field of life would be properly identified as crimes, such as fraud and treason.

Something should be done about this.

Today in Pizzaland

If I were to start this blog today I would have been very tempted to call it "Adventures in Pizzaland."

It was a fairly slow day today, I only made fourteen deliveries in a bit over eight hours. This included a $48.00 run to South High School in Minneapolis where the glorious heroes of socialist indoctrination public education declined to offer a tip. It was the only stiffing I received for the day.

I also saw a neat bumper sticker on the return leg of a delivery run:

"IT TAKES A VIKING TO RAZE A VILLAGE."

I want one, dammit.

What liberals want all of America to be...

Leftists In Action

Glenn Reynolds wrote:

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Posted 1:18 AM by Glenn

INSTAPUNDIT is down, along with all of Hosting Matters, I believe. The HM people say it's a DDOS attack. I'm going to bed now anyway; if the site's still down tomorrow I'll post here, but that's unlikely.

Conservatives and other folks with a reality orientation will take "no" for an answer. Conservatives and civilized people in general prefer to deal with others on the basis of consent.

The Socialists, like any other practitioners of an "overlord" ideology, would rather deal with others through coercion. By fraud if possible, by force if necessary.

Where a conservative will ask for an agreement, the socialist will demand nothing less than total submission.

Where a conservative accepts the moral boundaries to his actions, to a socialist no act, be it cheating, be it censorship, or be it mass-murder, too depraved in the pursuit of power.

Conservatives stand for civilization. Socialists are just another bunch of f***ing savages.

You Too Can Be A Mass Murderer!

All you have to do is follow Marx and Engels:

"The proletarians, driven to despair, will seize the torch which Stephens has preached to them; the vengeance of the people will come down with a wrath of which the rage of 1795 gives no true idea. The war of the poor against the rich will be the bloodiest ever waged".

-- Friedrich Engels

So far it is no less than 110 million lives that have been snuffed out by the followers of Marx and Engels. The Left calls us morons when we refuse the poison that they offer us. And if anyone suggests that the socialists should killed before they have a chance to kill any more of us he is called "the embodiment of all evil on Earth."

Wow! They really hate it when we shoot back.

Dr. John Ray is posting some of the more interesting quotes from the works of Marx and his associates and followers. Check it out here.

And on May 1st we should do something to remember the victims of Marx and Engels.

Meanwhile...Across The Deranged Zone

North Korea Issues Wartime Guidelines For Attack By U.S.

South Korea -- North Korea has ordered its citizens to be ready for a protracted war against the United States, issuing guidelines on evacuating to underground bunkers with weapons, food and portraits of leader Kim Jong Il...When North Koreans evacuate to underground facilities, they should make sure that they take the portraits, plaster busts and bronze statues of Kim and his parents so that they can "protect" them in a special room, the guidelines say.

Does this really need a comment?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

Arrrgh!

Got called in to work early today.

Sometimes I wonder why we're still in business.

Um...Okay...

In conversation on Saturday Night:

Me: What can we say about life?

Landlady: Kick it in the balls and steal its wallet.

We return you to your regularly scheduled reality.