HEADQUARTERS UNITED STATES CENTRAL COMMAND
7115 South Boundary Boulevard
MacDill AFB, Fla. 33621-5101
Phone: (813) 827-5894; FAX: (813) 827-2211; DSN 651-5894
November 22, 2004
Release Number: 04-11-77
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
INSURGENTS FAKING DEAD FIRES ON MARINES
FALLUJAH, Iraq Marines from the 1st Marine Division shot and killed an insurgent, who while faking dead, opened fire on the Marines that were conducting a security and clearing patrol through the streets here at approximately 3:45 p.m. on 21 November.
For more information, please contact Capt Bradley Gordon, public affairs officer, 1st Marine Division, firstname.lastname@example.org
I have some advice for those Muslims who, being in touch with their inner Osama, or the Blue Zone Leftists who are getting in touch with their inner Mao or their inner Trotsky (the founder and first commander of the Soviet Army):
Any attempt to overthrow the United States Government will fail.
In the event that you are cut off and surrounded by the regular armed forces (I very seriously doubt that any group of civilian gun owners are going to be taking prisoners) you will have only two options.
One, drop your weapon and walk out with your hands up with the palms facing forward.
The other option is to point your personal weapon so that the path of bullet will pass through your brain, scream, "my [expletive] false-god is great!" And pull the trigger. Lefties may substitute "Heil Hillary" in the place of any Islamic expression of faith.
Any action between these options will earn you a free round of ammunition.
Are there any questions on this block of instruction?