Joe Bob Briggs on Lip Inflation

And while I'm on the subject: What is this thing with the lips? Forget breast enlargement. Some of these women in the movies have pumped up their lips BIGGER than their breasts. And, of course, it's especially attractive when the lip curls up in a permanent sneer, like the girl's dad was a bad Elvis impersonator. Yuk.

-- Joe Bob Briggs, Review of SHOWGIRLS

Seriously.

Who, apart from some urban ethnic pimp wanna-be, actually feels that inflated lips are pretty?

They are ugly, hideous, the visual equivalent of chalk squeeking on the blackboard.

Did I also say that they are ugly?

I must also confess that I hate eyebrow waxing and obviously fake hair color and configuration. That and breast implants make up what I call the California Clone look. And that's when I'm trying to be nice. Otherwise I normally call it the California Crack Whore look.

I won't go to certain movies, such as the remake of Gone In 60 Seconds, because the lead "actress" shows up in the trailer or the TV advert with such a hideous visage. And forget about picking up any recent issue of Playboy. I once tried to watch an event staged by the Comedy Central channel where Hef showed up with his harem, all California Clones. Time to call out the Sandmen, Hef has been running waaaay too long. I eventually ended up reusing the tape for something else.

Seriously people, even Tammy Faye Bakker has not had her lips inflated. That should tell us something.

One of the things I miss about the late Princess Diana was that she set a positive standard for personal grooming. She had zero use for the techniques of the California style of cosmetology.

Perhaps we could call it a corollary of Murphy's Law, if a Californian can do something wrong, he or she will.

-- Les