This was originally posted on a site that no longer exists except in the Internet Archive:
Daily Affirmations for your Inner Pirate
Once you've gotten in touch with your inner pirate, the job is not over. Remember to consult the Affirmations for your Inner Pirate:
Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmations for the Inner Pirate
"I'm going to rape and pillage today just for the heck of it because, gosh darn it, I deserve to have a good time."
"I am not a fraud, a thief yes, but not a fraud."
"I deserve all the loot and booty I can carry without feeling ashamed or being grandiose."
"I will express my feelings today. I will not hide them behind my eyepatch. My eyepatch is not a mask for my feelings, but rather a small swatch of leather that covers a hideous scar."
"When I overtake that merchants vessel, I will not be playing those parent tapes in my head: "You wield a cutlass like a girl" . . . "Why can't you be more like Blackbeard's son?" . . . "Philosophy? What kind of major is that? It's useless!"
"Just because I indulge in wine and wenches does not mean I'm an alcoholic sex-addict like my father."
"If I must violently put down a mutiny today, it is not because I am a bad person or that I am not worthy of love; it is because my crew are a bunch of yellow-bellied, lily-livered sons-of-whores--and I am mean enough, ruthless enough, and dog gone it, people fear me."
transcribed by James R. Torrence