Gosh, What A Surprise!

Another believer in the Primacy of the Parasite and the Sacredness of the Earth has come up with a brilliant idea:

Bikers, fear the flat no more — those days of cumbersome packs with oversized pumps may be behind you. In the spirit of some other resourceful bike tricks like the Aquaduct Bike and the Airbag “Collar,” Instructables shows how you can build a pump to siphon air from car tires to fix a flat — all you need is a 50-100 cm long air hose and two chucks.

I have to start by saying that I really don't have a problem with people who own and ride bicycles. The purchase and recreational use of a bicycle (an old school ten speed, not one of those newfangled mountain bikes) is on my personal list of things to do. (Along with getting a pilot's license and taking up the guitar again.)

But as someone who is a professional driver I could go on and on about the narcissistic assholes who engage in abusive behavior with their very expensive bicycles on the public streets.

When I was doing pizza delivery in South Minneapolis I found that the fastest route from the store to a certain area was a road running along the west bank of the Mississippi River. Unless, of course, one or more bicyclists, in their special bicyclist clothes*, decided to ride in the street instead of the nicely paved and specially constructed bicycle path that was just off of and running parallel to the road.

And then there are the assholes who ride side by side on the public streets and thus making it impossible to pass the group without going into the opposite lane. Imagine how much fun this is when there is oncoming traffic. Of course if you live in an area with a significant "Progressive" population you don't have to imagine it.

And then there are those obviously superior individuals who feel that they don't have to comply with the traffic signals or otherwise pay attention to what's ahead of them.** Never mind the obviously predictable results.

So it comes to no surprise to me that some obviously caring, compassionate, and progressive defender of Mother Gaia*** come up with a means to facilitate their continued movement in the face of adverse circumstances.

Never mind the fact the lowering the pressure of an automotive tire will adversely effect the efficiency and safety of the vehicle. So what if it lethally endangers an innocent family. In the eyes of the caring, compassionate, and progressive defenders of Mother Gaia that father and mother, and their children are only useless emitters of carbon dioxide anyway.


* One day I saw someone wearing a red bicyclist shirt with the Hammer and Sickle, and the letters "CCCP" emblazoned upon it. I passed up the temptation to ask if they had run out of brown shirts and swastika armbands.

** Seriously, I was slowly pulling out the parking lot of the taxi company that I now drive for and some local crackhead riding on the sidewalk on what was likely a stolen bicycle plows into the right side of the cab at about the position of the rear wheel. Given the way I drive when I'm trying not to hit something (And I did once pass up an opportunity to run over former Vice President Mondale and wife while they were walking in the street in Downtown Minneapolis) I should have been visible for at least fifteen seconds. Which is more than enough time for a clean and sober person to slow down and stop. Of course I refused the crackhead's demands for monetary compensation.

** THAT BITCH! Do I have to go on?