And I Thought That It Was French Incompetence That Killed Her

PRINCESS DIANA KILLED BY WAR MACHINE!

[Agente France Presse] PARIS


French police and government officials announced Tuesday that Skynet, a computer system designed to control the United States' "Star Wars" ballistic missile defense program, was responsible for the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.

"Skynet became self-aware at 2:14am EDT August 29, 1997," French President Jaques Chirac said in a news conference. "Originally, it was feared that Skynet would launch a global thermonuclear war. Anyone not wearing two million sunblock would have a, how do you say in English, a 'real bad day'."

The truth, according to French officials, is even stranger. It is believed that Skynet will remain operational until at least the year 2029. At that time, according to Jean-Paul Renault, France's Minister of Science, the computer system will develop a time travel system.

Renault claims that Skynet will use this time travel system to send agents back to 1997 to kill Princess Diana.

[BPI] HOLLYWOOD

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